An introspective Master fic

[doomoverlord]

Or me trying to understand overwhelming Yana!Master's hatred.

I hate Yana.

You see, it's not just Time Lord physiology that gets tucked away in a fob watch, but their memories too. Their personality, the one they were originally born with, however, stays intact. Many would see it as a chance at new life. I always believed it to be nothing but fantasies of romantic saps. I've always dismissed it.

Until I hid in a fob watch myself, away from the Time war, away from the Daleks, away from everyone. For many years I experienced a life that could have been, or more correctly, myself that could have been. Oh, it's so much different than seeing an alternate self. This is purely you, without hundreds years of memories, betrayals and pain. Sadly, the drums are still there.

But that's the thing, isn't it?

Even with the drums louder than ever before, the Professor was a good man. Never naive, he has seen his share of suffering, yet he chose a different path. Drums call him to war, just like they always did, and he just dismisses them and carries on building and discovering with that childish wonder. He's ready to lie in order to bring others hope. He's ready to be left behind so that hope may not be in vain. He doesn't care that this mysterious man calls him a genius, only the well being of people he has hardly met, with having his head in his work all the time.

Worst of all, the Doctor would have surely invited him to the TARDIS. Not as one of his pets, no, Professor's too intelligent and wise to be just a witness to Doctor's brilliance, but as an equal. The Doctor, almost from the first moment he laid eyes on this bubbly human, respected him. They worked and talked with ease, and understood each other. They could have-- would have travelled side by side, happy.

And I didn't hide myself in the fob watch. That old fool... That selfless man is-- was me. If only my family was kinder, if only not for the drums, if only someone was there...

If only...

I could have been someone Doctor would have been proud of. I was, for a time. I could have travelled with him. I could have been happy. I should have been.

If only...

I hate the universe for hating me.

I hate the Doctor for our history.

I hate the Time Lords for taking away the life that should have been mine.

I hate Yana for being me.